The light is coming back. The last two days have had spectacular sunrises and sunsets. It stays light a little later than just a week ago and that’s perfect. Then there is the full moon. This morning the moon set as the sun was rising and I couldn’t decide which side of the sky was prettier.
I was running errands this morning, in full professional scavenger hunt mode. My boss sent me a list and I was checking it off. At one point I had to go back to the shop for something and as I pulled in I caught a glimpse of the moon setting huge and beautiful. So I parked the van and walked over to where I had the best angle. I had my phone on camera mode and was zooming in and framing my shot just right when I suddenly realized that there were fuzzy ears in the foreground. I was so focused on the moon that I hadn’t seen the moose.
How’s this for a photo bomber?
The shot I got wasn’t perfect. There was another moose about 20 feet to the right, but I didn’t get them both in a single frame. But I got a story.
How many times does this happen to people? You are so focused on the things in the distance that you forget to see what is close by. All those big things you are heading for are great. Keep aiming high! But don’t forget to look for the little things close by too. Smell the roses. See the moose. Enjoy the moment.
I’d join him if I could. He’d love the extra body heat.
It’s very close to the solstice and the temperature has been dipping lower more frequently. This weekend was the second in a row that hovered around -17° for most of the time. Oddly enough, it wasn’t as hard as last weekend.
I had zero plans for my weekend. I literally stayed in a cocoon in my bed as I explored and built in a new world on minecraft. Then Saturday afternoon a friend texted me to let me know she would pick me up at 4. I had to think about it for a while. I wasn’t sure what day it was. Then I remembered that she had informed me that I WOULD be joining her on a girls night out with her friends. Okay. I said I’d be ready.
We went to a favorite Thai restaurant and talked and ate. I knew I would probably like her friends. She has good taste in people. And I know I need to make more connections. As much as I could be happy as a hermit, I still need to socialize. After we left the restaurant we ended up going to look at guns (Missi has found one worth saving up for) and I bought a smaller cast iron skillet. Then we had to park at the side of the road to watch the solstice fireworks. We didn’t even need to be downtown.
It’s cold outside and I’ve been typing this while I wait for the truck to warm up. But the time comes to head for work. Clay is happily tucked into the blankets. He isn’t fond of this weather. It’s snowing again, so I’ll be thankful for the empty Sunday morning highway. It isn’t quite hibernation, but it’s closer than I have been to it in many years. And it feels good.
A couple of weeks ago we wanted pizza. Chris went 10 miles into North Pole to fill the heating oil cans and picked up two pizzas. They were gone in a flash and we were still hungry. All for $35. It didn’t feel worth it.
I tried again a week ago. I picked up a pizza on my way home. For $12 it was underwhelming. Sparse toppings, mediocre flavor, I can do better. My pantry has most of what I need to make pizza. All I needed was some fresh spinach and mushrooms. I think I spent less on toppings for multiple pizzas than I would have if I bought a ready made one. Plus, we like our crust better than anyone else’s.
Nothing beats homemade pizza.
While I waited for my pizza to bake I fixed a plate of salad. The entire time I was eating it I was watched by the world’s greatest optimist. I know the dog doesn’t like greens, but I’ve gotten him to eat them before. He knew what I was eating, but he still drooled hopefully. Maybe, just maybe something delicious would fall into his mouth!
Optimism at it’s finest.
I didn’t feed him, but he loves me anyway. As he put his paws up on my knee I could feel how cold they are. Soon we’ll get tucked into bed and he’ll warm his toes while he acts as a living hot water bottle to mine. Dogs are a treasure. They’re full of optimism and loyalty and they’ll clean up any crumbs you drop on the floor. What more could you ask for!
That time when the sawmill almost worked… We got 5 boards before it broke again and the snow came.
So my cabin didn’t get built before the snow came. I have come to see that as a blessing in disguise. As much as it would be more comfortable to have the space Chris and I are spending the winter close to friends who can help. Any time something goes wrong they are just across the creek instead of a few miles away. Not everyone gets to cheat like this their first winter living off-grid.
Last June I put together a plan for my cabin and calculated what it would cost. While we got some things set in motion, access to the build site was limited by the rain making a mess of my driveway. My building help had a friend who had fewer limitations and needed a cabin as well. So much of August and September was spent about 50 miles north of Fairbanks working on Zach’s cabin.
The video is about 30 minutes long. Lance recorded chunks of it as they worked. All of his kids were involved at some point; even the 3 year old got to be a gofer. Chris manned the saw. The trailer my dad built was used to haul materials.
This isn’t my cabin, but it might as well be a practice run. It’s nearly the same size and design as what I plan to build. Take time to watch the video and maybe subscribe. I’m sure Lance would love to have more people to share the view from his world. He gets some amazing scenery pics driving the highways of Alaska.
If we’re lucky I’ll get him to make some videos of my cabin build next spring.
It’s currently 4:15am and -11°. This is relevant because I woke up an hour ago when it was only -9° and spent the time debating if I had to pee bad enough to go to the outhouse. This is normal. I’ll debate if I’d rather go now and have to go again at 6am or if I can hold off and make fewer trips. I usually just go out, stretch, and drink water when I come back in to perpetuate the cycle.
So cost/benefit analysis? Absolutely! Here’s another example where some idea from school can actually apply to real life for the common (wo)man. Do I have to go out bad enough to be worth putting on my boots and coat? If it’s above zero that gets easier because I can manage without the coat. If it hasn’t been snowing I might get away with wearing my slippers. Usually there is enough benefit to make me leave my cozy warm blankets.
The dog does the same calculations, though I doubt he’s aware of it. Some mornings he decides he doesn’t have to leave the bed. He’ll get grumpy if we insist. Other days he’ll want to run around and explore everything. This morning was all business. Get up, get out there, get back inside and sit in front of the heater. That’s how I know the cold is real. He got really close to the heater until I finished with my water and got back in bed.
Thanks for reading my 4am meanderings. I hope they have amused you. Now I’m going to bury myself in blankets and hope the frost stays on the walls as the temp goes down.
FB memories recently showed me this post from four years ago. It fit in with a conversation I had with a guest. It was a conversation that I found very upsetting. I have been letting the conversation and my reactions simmer in the back of my mind for a couple of days now, trying to make sense of it all.
It takes nearly an hour to bring people up to Basecamp from town. I have kind of a spiel that I’ve put together to tell guests a bit about history, local animals and plants, local economy and jobs, and the way that life can be different up here in interior Alaska. Each trip is different because of what catches the attention of a given guest. This couple focused on the dry cabin aspect and what that entails.
The husband asked about how much land costs and what restrictions there might be. How do you get started, etc. I explained some of my journey and why I left a good paying job that made me miserable, and tried to explain some of the things that have made this possible, especially the mindset. The wife told me how I should have done my job back driving bus and at one point very passionately told me that “not everyone can do what you have done! Some people are trapped!”
Some people are trapped. Trapped by circumstances. Trapped by the fact that they have children that they can’t bring themselves to pull out of a school where they are bullied and abused by the other kids. Because if they aren’t in school how will they be properly socialized? Trapped by income limits. Trapped by dysfunctional relationships? Trapped by their own ideas of how the world works and how you should submit to the system, even though it makes you so miserable you don’t want to drag yourself out of bed to do it another day, but you have to because what about the children?
I get it. As the old FB post above hints at I spent a long time feeling trapped. I had no idea how I could do anything different. I saw only the limitations surrounding me. I could not imagine any other way, but I was desperate for something different. My life at that time was doing its best to destroy me, and for a while it came close.
I looked for inspiration in many places. I listened to podcasts to learn about how to create a farm business, how to manage money and create wealth on a normal income. I heard about possibilities outside of the beaten path from people who had found their own version of success that fed their souls instead of destroying them. I dug in and kept trying to figure out what I really want in life. The post above is an early version. Now I summarize it by saying, “I want to live with the seasons and I want to be able to hibernate.” I’m still working out what that means, but I have a feeling that it will shift through the years as I have new experiences. Right now I just want to make enough money to live on and build my cabin. I have options that I never saw before. Life isn’t perfect, but it’s happier than it was 4 years ago.
To answer the idea that people are trapped, I just want to say this: yes, you are in a cage. It is made of expectations and debt, materialism and keeping up with the Joneses. You have been socialized by school to put up with abusive work environments just so you can have a paycheck to keep it all afloat and not disappoint your family and friends. But it is a flimsy cage. The bars are weak and spaced far apart. You can escape any time you choose. It all starts by deciding you want something better. Then you make a plan. You spend a couple of years dismantling your cage and one day you walk away from it. It only ever existed in your mind anyway.
If you look for reasons to not succeed you will always find them. If you look at people who succeeded despite all the reasons they shouldn’t, you will find them as well. Life is never completely comfortable. So you need to decide what kind of discomfort you can put up with in order to find the life you can be comfortable with.
I chose to leave a reliable $60k/yr income and a four bedroom, really nice home so that I can have the chance to live in an RV in the extreme cold, using an outhouse with no roof. The trade-off is that my soul feels free. I am happier than I have been in years, and I feel better day by day. I have a job I can go to without crying the entire commute.
Am I lucky? Maybe. But only because I found new choices and made myself step out and do something different. It was terrifying to buy the plane ticket to come visit Alaska for the first time. It was terrifying to actually purchase my property up here. It was scary to apply to seasonal jobs that paid half of my income rate at Trimet. But once it all started coming together I felt a peace with everything. Only my bank balance regrets leaving Trimet.
I don’t know if that guest realized that her words were like knives, twisting in some old wounds, but after pondering my reactions I came to two conclusions. One, I’m glad for it. I feel like some old pain has drained from me that wouldn’t have without this interaction. And Two, she wants something better in her life but she feels trapped. I tried to explain to her how I got here. I tried to encourage her to take tiny steps and see outside of whatever barriers she thinks are there. I truly believe that people can do whatever they set their minds to. I hope my words set hope in motion for her. In the meantime I hope that the beauty of this place helps heal the wounds in her soul.
Even at 2:30pm this sunset feeds my soul.
I’m happy here. This is not an easy place to live and I know it isn’t for everyone. My greatest hope is that with this blog telling my story I can inspire other people to find what makes them happy and take the steps to improve their lives. If anything I say or share does that for you then let me know. I want to see more people living well.
My dear friend Missi doesn’t celebrate Christmas with things. The reasons are complicated and incomprehensible to some, but simply put she and her family prefer to focus on the reasons behind Christmas instead of the commercialized holiday. She knows that my family does like Christmas. More specifically, I like the lights and the music that put me in a cozy mood. My boys are a little bit cynical about it and put up with me.
With our surroundings and circumstances being so very different this year I was fully prepared to let the season slide by. I left my special ornaments in Oregon. I don’t need to make the generator work extra just for colored lights. There’s no room for a tree in the RV. It’s okay, expected, and perfectly alright for me to do nothing this year.
I was surprised when my dear friend showed up at my door on Friday night with this baby Norfolk Island Pine. They are my favorite plant to pet and I haven’t had one in years. She said she wanted to make sure I had something for the season. Even though she doesn’t celebrate she wanted to make sure I can. (And she says she doesn’t understand why she has been told that Hospitality is one of her spiritual gifts.)
My son immediately dubbed it Plant. Plant will keep Mr Coffee company now that Mr Coffee has been abandoned for the stovetop version. It will be hard to keep Plant alive in the variable environment of the RV, but we’re up for the challenge. We still don’t know how or if we will dress Plant up for the holiday, but this could be fun.
As a side note, we spent all the daylight on Saturday (11am to 3:30pm) rebuilding the stand for the heating oil barrel. The quick and dirty stand that was put together to get us warm was starting to fail. We dismantled it and made a much better one.
The original lasted a month before it started to lean. A crack as fuel was added made replacing this an easy choice. Almost finished. Much stronger, but the light was fading fast. We finished it by headlamp.
Really, it only took about 2 hours of work, but we had to come inside multiple times to warm up our hands and the driver drill. Our tools didn’t like the -13 weather any more than we did. It’s done now and should last us a good long while. I keep saying we, but I have to give all credit to my son. I was just the gofer on this project, as much as that goes against my nature. He can be proud of his work and I’m proud of the man he has become.
You know the memes: a picture of a cabin in the middle of nowhere and the text says, “for a million dollars” or “give up football” or something like that. A lot of people say YES! Others don’t think they can. A few more are emphatically hell NO! Most of them will never try.
I listen to podcasts and recently one covered a guest’s life growing up in North Korea. The host was rightly horrified by the description of the human rights violations and starvation faced by the people, but also by the idea of no running water and the struggle for electricity.
As I drive guests to and from town I talk about local history and the economy and life in the extreme conditions, but what often fascinates them most are stories of my own adventures. I mention how warm it feels at 18° and how strange it was when we got up to 38° for a few hours the other night. Then I casually say it has been as cold as -31° and oh by the way I spent that night without heat. And I wonder… Do they look at me the way that podcast host looked at the woman who grew up in North Korea? Do they pity me for doing this hard, crazy thing? They are all pretty well off to be able to travel and spend the money on the location I work for so maybe the idea of giving up modern comfort and convenience is something they would never consider, let alone do.
Another podcast I listen to uses the term voluntary hardship. It’s a strength training podcast so they literally mean choosing to pick up a heavy thing to gain the ability to bring in the groceries or work in the garden. You choose to do hard things so that everything else is easy by comparison. You gain strength in more than just your body. I haven’t gotten started on the strength training yet (I really need to) but I’ve been applying the concept to other areas in my life, often just as a mindset exercise.
I could have stayed in Oregon. I could have kept that stable job with benefits. I could have stayed in the house with all the modern comforts and conveniences like showers whenever I want. I didn’t have to come to a place where the air hurts my face and I have to go outside in the middle of the night when my bladder wakes me up. I chose this, knowing the shape of the life I was stepping into.
We didn’t have to stay in the RV with no heat on the night it hit -31°. We could have gone across the creek and stayed in the warm cabin. In fact we did that the next night before the Toyo got running in the RV. But staying in the cold proved that we could do it. In our own minds we survived the hard thing and came out the other side a little stronger. Each time something goes wrong we can tackle it with the knowledge that we are strong enough to do what has to be done and when we fix it we gain more confidence in our own ability and experience.
2020 has been hard on everyone. It might be your health or work, finances or need for social connections. There are things to be dealt with to get through this. It cannot stay bad forever. I suggest you embrace the hardship. Tackle it and find a way through that leaves you stronger. Life is there for the living and when you’ve been through a challenge the easy stuff is that much sweeter.
Life without running water, predictable power, and heat is not something that I expect everyone to try. I say it over and over, this really is not for everyone! But that doesn’t mean that only people who deprive themselves can benefit. Everyone can benefit by handling some hardship in their lives. It doesn’t have to break you. Let it make you stronger.
Before sunrise this morning I drove to work facing the full moon the entire way. This might be my new favorite sight. 10:20am sunrise. A view from my work. Noon at Basecamp, and the sun hasn’t gotten above the taller trees. 1:35 pm today. The days might be short, but the colors go on for hours. An afternoon drive. I get to share these views with the guests I drive in the shuttle. They think they are coming here to see the aurora, but that’s just the cherry on top. 1:40pm and sunset colors are already flooding the sky. 3:30pm. The sun is mostly down, but there is still color and light. This is my view of my friend’s cabin across the frozen creek.
Before coming to Fairbanks I knew that daylight would be an issue. At the summer solstice the sun might set for 3 hours, but it doesn’t get dark. In winter it is the opposite issue. Days get shorter and shorter until the sun is only up for 3 hours, but here the darkness is not complete. Sunrise colors start an hour or more before the sun shows up and last longer too. Sunset colors can be in the sky up to 2 hours before the sun goes down and they take time to fade along with the light. On a really good day there is color across the sky and reflected from the snow all day. It is a constantly shifting light show and the sheer beauty makes up for all the challenges that come from living up here.
I drive a shuttle van to bring tourists to and from a destination with an aurora borealis theme. People who wanted to go to Iceland or Norway to see the Northern Lights have had to shift their plans to Alaska. They always ask me about the chances of a good show. I always tell them I can promise nothing on the aurora, but I also always point out the colors in the sky and tell them how much I love watching the shifting of the light. I’ve had more than one person thank me on our trip back into town. I’ve been told that even with a good aurora show overnight they still loved watching the daylight almost as much. When something is in short supply you find a greater appreciation for it.
I hope I never get tired of seeing all of this beauty in my world.
