I am on the verge of something that could be a mistake or could be the best decision of my life. At this point I’m not entirely sure.
For the last two years I have said that I need to leave my job. Driving for Trimet has provided well for my family. It is hard to match the pay. The health insurance has taken good care of me. But the job itself is abusive. I hurt at the end of every day. If I have trouble or complaints from passengers it is somehow always my fault for not handling it right. Even when I report a bus for leaking exhaust I get treated like I’m imagining it. Their buses are just fine! I’ve done it for 14 years now and I’m tired. I’ve been preparing to leave for a while now. I think it’s time.
So I spent the last 6 months cruising job sites to see what’s out there. I bought a property near Fairbanks a year ago. I’ve talked with my kids to prepare them for if I leave. They’re old enough to manage the house here in Oregon. And now I have an email with a job offer, waiting for me to sign.
So this job is just seasonal. It is driving tour bus for cruise ship passengers on the inside passage of Alaska. The starting pay will be about half of my current job. I can get that bumped up if I complete extra training, and there may be tips involved. I can still back out, but I don’t want to. This isn’t the leap I thought I would make, but it is a stepping stone. It’ll be difficult, but I think I can make it work.
I have spent my life seeking stability. Especially for the last eight years I have hidden in the familiar, kept my head down, and just did what I had to do to get through one day at a time, one hour at a time. Now that is no longer enough. I will not go crazy with freedom, abandoning all that is familiar. I will step out into the world to see what more it holds for me. I have done my most basic duty. My boys are functional adults that can take care of themselves. Now I get to take care of me. At the same time I can show them how big the world is and that they don’t need to get trapped by duty and comfort.
That’s what is running through my head this morning. I need to get up and start my day. I have papers to sign and an appointment to go to. I have a life to change. Let’s hope it’s for the better.
Who wants to go on an adventure without their best friend? Dogs can make camping and hiking more fun. What would a hike be without my Freddy to help pull me up the hills? Watching them explore and smell and get excited about every new thing…letting the kids run around with their dog and knowing that the dog won’t let anything bad happen to their kid… You know you would hate to leave the dog behind. But it does take some planning to make the experience a good one.
Dogs are all about their people. If you have dogs, you know this. They want to be where their people are. But I will put one thought out there that some people don’t want to hear…Not every dog is appropriate for camping. I have had a friend join us who brought her dog. The dog was aggressive toward people and other dogs, nervous even with her person, and barked and cried all night in the tent. It was not a good experience for any of us, people or dogs. If you think your dog will be upset by going to a new place with new people you might want to make other arrangements for the dog while you are gone.
The first time out will still be very exciting for everyone. Routines are interrupted. Things can slip your mind. Your dog can slip its collar. Do make sure you have a collar or harness for your dog. Make sure you have tags with your name and contact info on your dog. Even better, make sure your dog is microchipped. our favorite dog was stolen from our front yard and was missing for 18 months, but when he was recovered clear across town his microchip led to a phone call and he came home. (Love our Bruno!) Leashes are a necessity. The kids don’t get to take the pup anywhere without one that they hold on to! Because you are in an unfamiliar environment your dog might not know what is a real threat and what is not. It’s best to make sure you can control the situation as much as possible.
A tie out can be as simple as a rope tied between trees, between your car and the picnic table, or anchored anywhere that allows your dog to be close to you without risk of tangling up with trouble. I like to use a cable tie out with clips on both ends and thread it through the loop of a 4′ nylon leash. I have put two dogs together on a single tie out, but it works better if they can have space to not tangle their leashes.
Bring your dog’s regular food. Measure out enough for the days you will be gone. I usually put it into a grocery bag, but be careful about leaving it out. Chipmunks and Jays like to steal dog food and can be surprisingly aggressive! It does make for good photo ops…but remember you are feeding your dog, not the local wildlife. Don’t forget to leave out water for whenever your dog is thirsty!
I would not recommend bringing a lot of dog toys. There are always sticks and such to chew and play fetch. Too many toys are too easy to misplace. I would probably limit dog toys to a good chewy and a floating toy if there is a lake. Our Bruno hated water at first, until he discovered that we could throw his toy into the lake for him to swim out to fetch over and over and over and over again. We finally had to put him in timeout because he was so exhausted we were worried he might not make it back out of the lake if we threw it again. He still wanted more.
Bruno’s first trip to the lake wasn’t his idea of fun. Fetch made a world of difference!
Crates… Everyone will have a different opinion on crates. I have found them to be useful. Our two older dogs came to us as puppies and we trained them in the same crate. I know that is not recommended, but it worked for us and them. I do like to bring a crate along. It makes a good place for them to relax where I know they are safe. I can put the crate in the tent overnight if I don’t want them on my bedding. I like to put something in there that is familiar to help calm them. Of course make sure they aren’t stuck in the sun to overheat and that they have water available while they are in there.
Bruno and Freddy share a crate to calm down from chipmunk patrol. Aug 2009
And finally, absolutely make sure to pick up after your pet. If you would hate to have it show up on your lawn or front porch, don’t leave it out for your camping neighbors. These days many campgrounds provide waste bags in case you forgot to bring your own. Be sure to have one or two available on every walk and teach your kids this important part of responsible pet ownership.
I think that does it for camping with pets. As always, feel free to comment if you feel like you can add something I forgot.
Just have to get this out of the way. I need to clear the air in my own head. I don’t want to pretend that life is perfect and good while I marinate in misery. Plus, the moment I take the convoluted thoughts from my brain and let them sit in the open I can see them for what they are: mostly inflated nonsense.
Yesterday flew by in a blur. I don’t remember what I did for most of the day. I spent most of the time in my head. Coffee may have been involved. Conversation with a couple of friends also came into play. I ended up making a move and I don’t yet know if I will get a result. But simply taking action is a huge thing for me.
Ugh. I said angst. I feel like I’m being ridiculously dramatic! It’s so adolescent to make everything mean so much when it doesn’t. And now I wonder how much sense any of this makes to anyone who doesn’t know what’s in my head.
I’m an Oregonian. All my life. Until a couple of years ago I could not imagine wanting to live anywhere else. I have a property outside of Portland that I love and have amazing plans for. But something changed. I realized that I can only keep the property I love by staying in the job I don’t love. And there are things about my state that are changing in ways that I don’t want. So I changed my mindset. A year ago I visited a friend who lives in Alaska and found a very different lifestyle that speaks to my soul. Since then I have been trying to figure out how to make it all work for me to get up there. I bought a property up there. I have a 5 year plan outlined. I’m looking to fill in the details. I’m looking for courage to make a leap. I’m looking for a job that will pay me enough to live up there and fill in the gaps of what my kids can afford in rent on the house in Oregon.
It doesn’t sound like angst when I explain it simply. My brain gets wound up though and infuses it all with doubt. I don’t know if I’m physically strong enough to do the jobs I’m looking at. I don’t know if I have focus. I doubt my ability to handle my money. I worry that my health will fail. I think about all the things that could go wrong. It’s hard to hold on to what can go right.
Here’s what I know:
I have friends up there to back me up physically and emotionally.
I have people in place here that can take care of the house in Oregon.
I have knowledge and experience beyond what I can show evidence for on paper.
My Oregon property is worth nearly double what I owe on it so it is a good asset.
My Alaska property is all mine. I owe nothing on it and can turn it into a money maker with a couple of simple cabins.
If I get a job that doesn’t match my current income I can still supplement that income with side jobs if I arrange things right. I might evem be able to exceed my current income overall and be happier doing it.
I have people up there who can teach me things I need to know instead of having to go to classes down here.
In short, the only reason not to take the leap right now is because of fear. I have been in a stable, well paying job for so long that I am terrified to step away from it. But I have compared this job to an abusive relationship for many years now. It’s time to figure out how to cut my way out and tie up the loose ends.
I put in an application last night. I don’t know if it will bear fruit. I might have to try a few more times. Let me prepare myself by saying that the first couple of jobs I do interview for might not be right. But at some point something will happen. I’m not going to give up. Sometime this year I am going to be writing a blog post from the porch of my cabin in Alaska. I will be laughing about how much I stressed over the idea of looking at jobs. I’ll be saying how much peace I have in my soul. I’ll be working to live, not living to work.
On another note, I have a couple more posts for the camping list. I’d like to finish that series in the next week. I have a couple more ideas for other series that have been simmering on the back burner. I’ll probably have to do another emotion dump or two as I work my way through this transition. I hope to get on some sort of regular posting schedule, but we’ll see what shape that will take. I’m trying to reinvent myself here. Nothing is predictable.
Yeah, I’ve been silent for a while. I’m sure nobody noticed since nobody reads this. But I noticed. I have felt the pull to post. I don’t know why I haven’t. So frustrating! I feel like I’m fighting a battle with another me in the back of my head that wants to sabotage all progress just to play it safe.
Well, I’ve made some progress in real life. Nothing big, unless you count Lasik to ditch the glasses I’ve worn since I was 9. I also went in to have my gallbladder removed a couple days ago. That isn’t as easy to recover from as the vision adjustment. But if I never have another attack it’s worth it!
I have taken medical leave so I don’t have to drive while I heal. That would be a nightmare! I would be so sore and bad tempered that I’d get nothing but complaints. It’s bad enough managing my reaction to my pack of dogs who all want to poke my belly with their noses. Sniffing is one thing, but it shouldn’t be a full contact sport! Fortunately none of them have stepped on me yet.
I am taking advantage of this down time to scroll through job sites. And here is my biggest dilemma: I have plenty of experience and competence with the job I have, but not enough experience or education for any other jobs I might want. I have 14 years of bus driving, but when I search for class B CDL jobs over half of the listings are really for class A. I can look for customer service jobs, but either they want a bachelor’s degree in something or it’s entry level phone work. I can’t easily replace my income from what I can see. This means that I either need some education or that I need to be some version of entrepreneurial. Education means leaving the steady income with no guarantees. It’s terrifying for someone like me who clings to stability.
So ultimately, do I enroll in training to get my class A or do I go with the apprenticeship that might have me move to another city for a while? Or do I apply for the rotational position that would get me to Alaska and almost match my current income? Can the rest of the household function without me? I’ve tried to train them and set up systems and expectations. It should be possible. Any other person might laugh at the drama swings that go on in my head. They are keeping me off balance.
Okay, now I’ve unloaded my angst on a non-existent audience. I’ve shouted it out to my own echo chamber. I need to sort through it and make some decisions. This is the best time after all. I won’t get this much down time again any time soon. I’d better keep digging and take advantage of it.
