Monthly Archives: April 2020

Stories

Hurry up and wait.

I have been in a strange place the last week or two. I know I left Trimet at the right time. I know I couldn’t have gone back and driven the bus with the attitude and mindset necessary to handle the people anymore, especially as we all moved into pandemic mode. But not working has not been easy. I like having an externally imposed structure to my life. I have a hard time finding my own structure. I need to get better at it. So being at loose ends is an interesting experience.

Like I wrote earlier, I’ve been trying to get my landscaping under control. But for the last week I’ve truly been stuck at home because my truck is in the shop. Driving up to my parents house every weekend for a month made me more aware than ever that the steering wasn’t behaving right. The last trip home I was pulling their minivan on a tow dolly and it was nerve-wracking how much I was wandering in the lane. My brother was following me, going crazy because I didn’t feel safe at full freeway speed and he felt like he was crawling.

Blue is getting some TLC.

It turns out I needed far more than just an alignment. There was a lot of delayed maintenance to catch up on. The shocks were worn out. The steering tie rods were worn. The gears in the steering box were worn out to the point that they were allowing the steering to wander. The brakes were ready to be replaced again. The seals on the rear hubs were leaking grease onto the parking brakes. And I needed an oil change. My savings account is not going to be happy. But this is why I have a savings account. I don’t need to go into debt to make sure I’m safe on the road.

So here I sit at home. I have time to wait. I have time to figure out how I’m going to replace this chunk of money back into my savings account. I ended up putting in an application to a business apprenticeship program I’ve been intrigued by for a couple of years. An answer came back today and I am scheduled for a video interview. So now I will be stretching my tech skills as well as challenging my time skills. I’ve had a month without income. It’s enough to know I’m not comfortable letting this continue.

With this program I hope to gain skills that are needed but that I currently lack. I can fake competence pretty well, especially since I’m not too proud to ask for help when I get in too deep. But I’m happier when I don’t have to fake it. Maybe this time next year I’ll be a marketing whiz at some small company. It’s an exciting thought, and it puts me a step closer to feeling able to manage a business of my own.

Right now I’m in wait mode. I’m waiting for the call to hear that my truck is ready and how much it’ll be. I’m waiting for the interview to find out if I’ll be able to continue down that path. I’m still waiting to hear what’s happening with the tour bus job! I’m keeping busy at home and still decompressing from Trimet. It’s okay.

(Have I mentioned how delighted I am to not be dealing with the bus in pandemic mode? Delighted, I say! And I do hope my former co-workers make it through with their health and sanity intact.)

Family

Life, death, and landscaping.

It’s been a while. A lot has happened and not much of it has gone according to plan. To tell the story properly I’ll have to rewind to the end of February.

February 10th I had gallbladder surgery. What a pain! But it was worth it. I took about two weeks off work to recover. I didn’t want to go back, but money is necessary to life and we get it by selling our time and energy. But while I was off I spent time on the job sites. And I found something that I felt would work. I applied, interviewed, and accepted a job as a tour bus driver in Hoonah, Alaska. You know, for the cruise ship passengers. I’m sure you can already see where this is going.

I went back to work on March 3. It was the first day of my spring sign up that I would work less than a month of. My new job would start April 6 and I planned to make Mar 27 my last day at Trimet. Except my plans didn’t work that way. I got a call from my mom on the 6th. She was sick and in pain and couldn’t figure out how to get to the doctor. Eventually she called for the medics who took her to the emergency room where she was treated for weeping edema and cellulitis. They missed the development of some ugly ulcers on her heels, although that may have come later. I had a quick conversation with various family and we decided that they could no longer be on their own, 2 1/2 hours away from the rest of us. I sent my son and a close family friend to pack their bags and bring them to my house where we could make sure they got the care they needed.

They arrived at my house Mar 7 when I was on my way to work. I spent the day being reminded by passengers just why I needed to leave Trimet. Yes, I know it’s about mindset, but I didn’t have it anymore and I wanted to walk away in the first round trip. I made it through all three.

Sunday we had a family meeting to discuss plans and needs. Sunday night my dad’s blood sugar crashed down to 30. We had to call the paramedics who gave him a glucose IV and got him stable. We made a plan to make sure we could keep on top of his sugars and meals and everyone in the house got on board.

Monday I spent 4 hours on the phone with a customer service representative from their insurance company, looking for a doctor’s office down here that would take new patients so we could keep up with their health needs. Apparently records Providence sends them aren’t maintained very well because there were doctors on their list that when she called the office they were like who? Nobody by that name had been there in years. While I was sitting on hold my dad was napping on the couch. At some point I realized that something didn’t look right and my insurance rep had to transfer me to 911. He didn’t wake up from his nap.

Grandpa and my boys in about 2002.

James Terry died on March 9, 2020. He was 77 years old. He left behind his wife of 50 years, three children, four grandsons, and a lot of memories. Also a lot of stuff. I haven’t written a proper obituary yet. We haven’t had a proper memorial service either because everything is shut down due to the virus pandemic. We have been making weekly trips up to their house to get what my mom needs, any family paperwork and photos, and any items of value that can be sold to give my mom a bit more funds. We could stay there for a month and still not be done. The key gets turned over on Friday regardless. I haven’t been back to work since all this started.

I used funeral leave. Then I took 2 weeks family leave to take care of my mom. I decided I would stick to my plan of March 27 being my last day. My tour bus job is still on hold until probably mid June. I have savings for this reason. I’m feeling the lack of income but there’s no panic. I am thinking out a plan for what I can achieve at home with no money. So far it’s landscaping.

My firepit, now without waist high grass! Can I add some concrete?

I mowed the lawn. I’ve scuffle hoed the beds where I can. I’ve worked out a deal with the string trimmer where it doesn’t make me rewind it more than 3 times per tank of gas and I don’t burn it. I’ve trimmed grass in places we thought we might never see again. I’ve started seeds. We might have flowers this year! I miss gardening and flowers.

So my life hasn’t been all about doctors appointments and sorting through a hoarders paradise. I’ve been productive in other ways and I have the body aches to prove it. I could really use a massage right now. Too bad this virus shut it all down.