Category Archives: Inspiration

One step forward, three bumps down.

I might have mentioned that since I’m not working lately I have been doing a lot of yardwork. For the last two weeks my biggest focus has been the nightmare of a firepit terrace. See, somebody about 15 or more years ago got a brilliant idea to reuse chunks of broken driveway to make a terrace. It’s a great idea in theory, but the way they did it was awful. There were gaps to swallow chair legs and it was uneven enough to trip over. I’ve put up with it for 8 years and I decided that I was going to tackle it. Pry slabs loose, break them up, shovel out the sod between. It’s not easy work and I’ve been going slow but steady.

The firepit before I started tearing it apart. You can hardly see the concrete for the grass growing between!

A week ago a friend volunteered her husband for a couple of mornings. His work was on pause and he was going stir crazy. We spent one morning prying up the slabs and got farther than I expected. The next day he put treads on my deck stairs. They’d been out of commission for an embarrassing amount of time and we had been using a less than ideal path down to the lawn. But with a couple of hours of work he had the top half put back together. Yay! Now I have easy access to the lawn from upstairs.

The terrace after one week of work. I might not be fast, but I love to see the results of my efforts.

So Tuesday of last week I got as far as setting up a row of blocks to mark the edge of the terrace. I put in probably five hours of hard labor moving heavy things by hand. I took Wednesday easy to make sure I didn’t hurt myself. Thursday morning I got ready to work hard again. I put my boots on by the back door on the deck and went to use my newly useable stairs. The top half was fine. Then I got to the bottom half where there are still the old wood deck boards. Wood stairs that haven’t been used in almost two years… If you’ve ever lived in a damp climate you know exactly where this is going. Wood that sits for any time ends up getting coated with a sludge that isn’t quite moss, mildew, or mud, but is as slick as snot.

I took one step onto the first stair and the next thing I knew my feet weren’t under me. I landed on my tailbone and bumped down a few steps until my heels dug in at the bottom landing. Ow! It didn’t hurt much at first, but my mobility was suddenly severely limited. I could hardly bend over to pick things up from the ground. But I have found that if I don’t keep moving I will freeze up.

I got the hose and a wire brush and scrubbed those steps to within an inch of their life. I managed to mow part of the lawn. Ow! I didn’t want to sit. Reaching for anything that takes me out of center hurt. And every time I hurt it made me laugh. Ibuprofen didn’t help much. An ice pack helped a little. But what did the most was time.

It’s been a week. It hasn’t been a fun week. I’ve been restless and cranky and hardly got anything done. I gave myself a deadline of May 30 to have this terrace cleared and some sort of firepit functional. Lounging around wasn’t getting anything done. I hate feeling like I can’t get things done. It does bad things to my mental health. But yesterday I got moving again.

My boys helped me get the big trailer down into position, then they helped break up more slabs.
I did not think there was this much concrete in that terrace. And there’s more to load.

I got my boys to come out with me. The middle one just needed the incentive of driving my truck to bring the trailer down. I am horrible at backing trailers while he has a natural instinct for it. We got it parked and started throwing chunks on it. Now it’s piled high enough that I’m worried about it being overweight. We might have to throw half of it off before we take it on the road.

I often start projects only to run into the most ridiculous roadblocks. All I know how to do is to keep trying. It often feels like I’m going too slow if not backwards. But when I pause and look around I can see that I’m not doing as bad as it feels. Baby steps might not be fast, but if you take those tiny steps for long enough you might be surprised how far you can get. And don’t hesitate to slow down if the situation calls for it. Allowing yourself to recover means you can do more the next time you push. Just don’t let the momentum completely disappear.

I just have the one pile of chunks left to throw on the trailer. Then I can rake it level. Should be done this evening!

Midweek Bug Squisher

Do not wait for confidence in order to take action. Confidence comes from action taken.

Holy crap, what a truth.

It’s no secret to my friends that I’m a podcast junkie. My tastes have evolved over the years, but they’ve always tended toward inspiration. Lately I have been following ones that discuss financial freedom and the side hustle. The newest title on my list is Don’t Keep Your Day Job. She talks with people who find ways to thrive financially doing work that they’re passionate about. It’s about not following the beaten path, but finding ways around the gatekeepers.

Last night on my way home I listened to the Jan 2 episode with Jasmine Star. I might have to listen to it a second time because she spoke so fast and with such passion that I’m pretty sure I missed a lot. I sure didn’t miss that one. I had to write it down. It is something I already know. It is something that I encourage my own children to practice because I live this idea.

I like to learn new physical skills. I have learned concrete and drywall and paint. I have tried operating an excavator. I love driving my 40′ transit buses at work. I have tackled knitting, crochet and tatting. I have a king size quilt that I hand pieced and am hand quilting. Most of my FB or IG posts about my quilt were “I don’t know what I’m doing, but let me dive in and figure it out.”

I had such a mental barrier about website and blog. I knew I wanted to do this for years. I just didn’t find the right entry point, the right foothold. I think now I have. I’m not a camping expert and have never considered myself an outdoorsy person. In my mind those people own hiking boots and backpacks, showshoes, skis, and mountain bikes. I do have a lifetime of experience though. A few trips every summer add up. So talking about something that I love makes perfect sense. And the more I talk about it the more comfortable it gets.

This blog is a personal journey. The camping list is a vehicle to move me closer to where I want to be. I share because it forces me to change, move, and grow. Sharing is uncomfortable, but I am growing into it. For anybody who is bothering to read, thank you.

Here’s the URL for the podcast I listened to in case you want to check it out:

https://www.dontkeepyourdayjob.com/episodes/jasmine-star-returns

Smashing Bugs

I didn’t have to do any back to school shopping this year. My boys are done with that part of their lives for now. But I have a notebook addiction that must be fed at least once a year. This year the notebook made a Dire Straits song run through my head. (Fun fact about me: The weirdest things will make me think about random songs. I have many favorite weird songs and an odd sense of humor.)

I decided this notebook is perfect for the collection of quotes and paraphrases I have been accumulating for the last few years. I listen to podcasts and audiobooks and sometimes someone says something that strikes me as inspirational so I note it down in my mini notebook with the thought that I’ll do “something” with it down the road. Now I think I have found my something.

To continue this unwieldy introduction…Last night I was thinking about this blog and my attempt at a website and the self-doubt rose up again. It’s ugly. I have these moments where I sit there and wonder why I am even trying. I wonder if it is even worth the effort. I resent having to get up or think of what I should write. I wonder if confessing my doubts and weakness will make me look unstable or unprofessional to anyone who might find these ramblings. Then I whisper to myself…shut up, NOBODY IS READING THIS!!! This is why I collected all of those quotes.

Self-doubt is a nasty little bug. Worse than a spider, it hides in the darkness and skitters around the edges of your consciousness, eating away at what might fuel your success. It must be squashed! So all of my quotes are bug smashers. They are there to help me squash the self-doubt, the depression, the anxiety, anything that can keep me from moving forward. I will use them like weapons. I will share them freely and what they mean to me. Sadly, I have no idea who said most of them and I apologize for not having proper attribution. Some of them are not even direct quotes, but are amalgamations of the discussion in whatever podcast I was listening to. At some point I might even share some of my favorite sources of inspiration. But now let me choose today’s bug smasher…

It’s not about working towards the end of the tunnel. It’s about making sure the tunnel is always lit.

Hope. Journey over destination. Peace with where you are despite moving forward…

I am lighting my tunnel. Every day that I show up to write, regardless of whoever is or is not reading is lighting my own tunnel. It has been pretty dark for quite a while. I have tried to light lamps that have fizzled, so I have focused on that end of the tunnel without knowing if I could even get there. It’s time to focus on where I am instead of just where I could be. Let me improve me so I can move forward more efficiently. Maybe that will bring the tunnel to an end faster, or maybe I will find that the tunnel is a figment of my imagination after all and I am already out in the real world with a thousand paths waiting for me to choose from. Let me squash the bug of hopelessness.