We all know how it started. The legend of the first Thanksgiving is a story about a party to celebrate community and a successful harvest. They feasted in the knowledge that they would have food to last until they could grow more.

We all know what it has become. Thanksgiving is a day off work, a day of cooking and family and maybe football. The entire season has turned into a social media game of talking about what’s good in our lives. Some people dread it because their family is toxic or gone. Some dread the traditional dishes. Some dread the cleanup.

I recently saw a post on social media about how some people can’t bring themselves to play the “gratitude game” because they can’t see anything positive, especially this year. That thought hurts my heart. It’s easy to list things when times are good. It takes a proper mindset to find good things when times are hard. In fact, I would say that hard times are the best times to develop your gratitude muscle. That’s when you need it most.

In early October of 2012 I was struggling with a bit of depression. Times were good. We had a new house and property out in the country the way we had talked about for so long. As much as I loved it, I was struggling with the transition. I had lived in the old house since I was 4 years old. I felt off balance and rootless. So I decided to use my blogger account to write about something good every day from October 1 until Thanksgiving. I wanted to adjust my mindset to see the good instead of focusing on what was different.

Anyone who knows my family knows what happened. On October 9th I was met by a supervisor while I was driving my bus route. Another driver took over my run and the supervisor took me to the hospital where my husband had been admitted following a heart attack. Any hard times I had thought I was struggling with were nothing compared to what was ahead of me when I learned that he wasn’t coming home. We buried him ten days later and I tried to stick with my gratitude activity. I could have been destroyed without it. Even if I didn’t write a post I kept trying to think of something good in my life every day. Just for me.

I still do it to some degree. When we spent the night at -31° I laughed and said it’s part of the adventure. I push myself to accept hard things so I appreciate the easy things. I’m not comfortable with getting too comfortable. I don’t want to complain. I have chosen the path I’m on and one day I might have to throw a party to celebrate the best things in life.

This year my gratitude list starts with my boys. They are the reason I held myself together for the first few years. Then when I realized I wasn’t living a life that I wanted them to copy, they are the reason I started looking for something more worth living. No one should live to work. You should not simply be a slave to the paycheck. Work should enable you to shape your life into something you can enjoy. That’s what I’m trying to build.

My oldest son is in charge of my property back in Oregon. He makes sure that everyone gets their rent in so that the bills get paid. He has my mom and a family friend to help as needed, but he’s doing well.

My youngest son is also back in Oregon. He finally has his driver’s license so he can get to work on his own. I’m so proud to know that he is becoming more independent.

Then there is the middle son. His enthusiasm made it possible for me to take the leap in buying property in Alaska. His commitment to follow through made it possible for me to have enough confidence to leave my well-paid (if miserable) job to come up here. Now that we’re up here he is the one who keeps the house running and warm while I earn money to pay for things. He has been looking for work and should hear back from one soon so I’ll have to take on some of the tasks he has left me out of, but I’m okay with that. I have to stand on my own at some point.

Life is good as long as it is lived. Gratitude should always be more to benefit yourself than to impress others. We might not be able to gather together, but if we know that our loved ones are happy and safe that should be enough.

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you can find some way to improve your life over the next year so that you can have more to be thankful for.

I’ll leave you with a blast from my past. I’m thankful that I don’t always have to be the one doing the cooking.