I trashed yesterday’s post. I tried to ponder my creative life, but was blathering on so badly that I lost all sense of what I was trying to say. Rereading the draft was painful. Why does the subject of creativity have to be so difficult? Every child starts out so wonderfully creative that we adults can barely understand the world in their head. Then we spend 18 years suppressing that creativity to make them fit into the world we inherited, all the while complaining about how we as adults aren’t creative enough, how we can’t draw or write stories or imagine new possibilities. It’s kinda messed up.

I know two things about myself in regards to creativity. First, there is always one or a hundred project ideas simmering away on the back burner of my mind. Second, that most of those projects will never see the light of day. Part of the problem is time. It is hard to find time at this point in my life the way my work schedule is set up. One of the biggest ideas simmering away in my project cooker is a plan to get my life back under more of my own direct control. And by life I mean time. Once that happens I plan to prioritize more of my creative ventures.

Most people live their lives as if there are no alternatives to how they are currently living.

I have spent many years living as if the path I found myself in was the only possible one. My life hasn’t been bad for the most part. I have had more stable and better paying work than most. The benefits are great. The place I live is pretty good. I keep joking that this is the best place to live because the weather might get gray sometimes, but at least it never tries to kill you. Up until a year ago I could not have imagined wanting to go anywhere else. Except that my life is shifting. My needs are different than they were a couple years ago. I see options and possibilities that were probably always there but I couldn’t imagine wanting them.

My creative side has spent years deconstructing clothing to figure out how shapes get made. I have mentally designed a thousand dresses, bags, and quilts. I have thought up ways to build outdoor pizza ovens and walkways. I have cozy homes planned out in my mind. Fictional characters have told me their stories into the third generation. But their time has not yet come. My creative dreams will wait a bit longer. I have a new life to create.