I had a rather vivid dream just now. For some reason I was supposed to read a short paper about Andre Norton to a group of people pursuing some sort of PhD. The paper and the group were more concerned with the feminism of the topic than they were with the fact that Andre Norton wrote lots of fun stories. So instead of jumping in to read the paper I started out by talking about how much I had loved the stories. The group joined in, getting all excited about story as well. I’m not sure if I ever did read the paper in the dream. I do remember speculating that she used the pen name to distract from the unimportant fact of the author’s sex so that she could write what she wanted to and actually have it sell.

For those who are not familiar, Andre Norton was the pen name of a woman who wrote pulp science fiction and fantasy in the 1950s and 60s. I discovered her books in the library as a young teen and devoured them, checking some out more than once. The fact that they were written by a woman was never a big deal to me, I just cared about the story. I loved the worlds and ideas I found in her books. But I can understand that in the time people had expectations of what a category of person might be interested in or write. Even today you don’t expect men to write romances. It doesn’t surprise me that nobody expected good sci-fi/fantasy from a mere woman.

This post will not be a rant against gender expectations, toxic feminism, or masculinity. I have some strong opinions, but I feel like those are better discussed over coffee, face to face where we can process all the subtleties of human expression. It is hard to come to a true understanding through the screen.

What I really took from my dream is how she just did the thing. She wanted to write her way and she did it. She found a way to put her voice into the world and is remembered for the work as much or more than the method. She was a doer.

I have all kinds of things to say. I want to put my voice out into the world. I have a bunch of things I want to do. I just keep putting it off. I think it might be easier if I had a proper desk to use my laptop instead of typing on my phone. I want to research and outline instead of letting the words flow. I want to make it perfect. I want to reach some standard of…not perfection, but better than what I’ve been doing. Except that is all just a pile of excuses to not do.

I’m a little bit stuck. I know I’m fighting a battle where perfection is the enemy of the good. I’m fighting against the idea that I don’t know enough to have the right to talk about some subjects because I don’t want to be wrong. I’m also fighting myself every time I try to set a schedule. It’s ridiculous how much self sabotage a person can do. Forgive me if you actually want to read more about being prepared or how it’s going up here. This blog is teaching me about myself and I don’t know how much to share.

Doing should not be an art. You should just do the thing, at the appropriate time, to the best of your current ability. Sometimes you will look back and cringe. Sometimes you will look back and be surprised at how good it is. Doing is practice and with practice you will improve. Someday it will be easier.

This ends my little sermon to myself. To my audience of three: thank you for reading this. I don’t intend to go on these weird tangents very often, but I always enjoy being reminded that others are just people too. I hope you can get going and do big things.