I have been in a strange place the last week or two. I know I left Trimet at the right time. I know I couldn’t have gone back and driven the bus with the attitude and mindset necessary to handle the people anymore, especially as we all moved into pandemic mode. But not working has not been easy. I like having an externally imposed structure to my life. I have a hard time finding my own structure. I need to get better at it. So being at loose ends is an interesting experience.
Like I wrote earlier, I’ve been trying to get my landscaping under control. But for the last week I’ve truly been stuck at home because my truck is in the shop. Driving up to my parents house every weekend for a month made me more aware than ever that the steering wasn’t behaving right. The last trip home I was pulling their minivan on a tow dolly and it was nerve-wracking how much I was wandering in the lane. My brother was following me, going crazy because I didn’t feel safe at full freeway speed and he felt like he was crawling.
It turns out I needed far more than just an alignment. There was a lot of delayed maintenance to catch up on. The shocks were worn out. The steering tie rods were worn. The gears in the steering box were worn out to the point that they were allowing the steering to wander. The brakes were ready to be replaced again. The seals on the rear hubs were leaking grease onto the parking brakes. And I needed an oil change. My savings account is not going to be happy. But this is why I have a savings account. I don’t need to go into debt to make sure I’m safe on the road.
So here I sit at home. I have time to wait. I have time to figure out how I’m going to replace this chunk of money back into my savings account. I ended up putting in an application to a business apprenticeship program I’ve been intrigued by for a couple of years. An answer came back today and I am scheduled for a video interview. So now I will be stretching my tech skills as well as challenging my time skills. I’ve had a month without income. It’s enough to know I’m not comfortable letting this continue.
With this program I hope to gain skills that are needed but that I currently lack. I can fake competence pretty well, especially since I’m not too proud to ask for help when I get in too deep. But I’m happier when I don’t have to fake it. Maybe this time next year I’ll be a marketing whiz at some small company. It’s an exciting thought, and it puts me a step closer to feeling able to manage a business of my own.
Right now I’m in wait mode. I’m waiting for the call to hear that my truck is ready and how much it’ll be. I’m waiting for the interview to find out if I’ll be able to continue down that path. I’m still waiting to hear what’s happening with the tour bus job! I’m keeping busy at home and still decompressing from Trimet. It’s okay.
(Have I mentioned how delighted I am to not be dealing with the bus in pandemic mode? Delighted, I say! And I do hope my former co-workers make it through with their health and sanity intact.)