Yeah, I’ve been silent for a while. I’m sure nobody noticed since nobody reads this. But I noticed. I have felt the pull to post. I don’t know why I haven’t. So frustrating! I feel like I’m fighting a battle with another me in the back of my head that wants to sabotage all progress just to play it safe.

Well, I’ve made some progress in real life. Nothing big, unless you count Lasik to ditch the glasses I’ve worn since I was 9. I also went in to have my gallbladder removed a couple days ago. That isn’t as easy to recover from as the vision adjustment. But if I never have another attack it’s worth it!

I have taken medical leave so I don’t have to drive while I heal. That would be a nightmare! I would be so sore and bad tempered that I’d get nothing but complaints. It’s bad enough managing my reaction to my pack of dogs who all want to poke my belly with their noses. Sniffing is one thing, but it shouldn’t be a full contact sport! Fortunately none of them have stepped on me yet.

I am taking advantage of this down time to scroll through job sites. And here is my biggest dilemma: I have plenty of experience and competence with the job I have, but not enough experience or education for any other jobs I might want. I have 14 years of bus driving, but when I search for class B CDL jobs over half of the listings are really for class A. I can look for customer service jobs, but either they want a bachelor’s degree in something or it’s entry level phone work. I can’t easily replace my income from what I can see. This means that I either need some education or that I need to be some version of entrepreneurial. Education means leaving the steady income with no guarantees. It’s terrifying for someone like me who clings to stability.

So ultimately, do I enroll in training to get my class A or do I go with the apprenticeship that might have me move to another city for a while? Or do I apply for the rotational position that would get me to Alaska and almost match my current income? Can the rest of the household function without me? I’ve tried to train them and set up systems and expectations. It should be possible. Any other person might laugh at the drama swings that go on in my head. They are keeping me off balance.

Okay, now I’ve unloaded my angst on a non-existent audience. I’ve shouted it out to my own echo chamber. I need to sort through it and make some decisions. This is the best time after all. I won’t get this much down time again any time soon. I’d better keep digging and take advantage of it.